Return & Reunion
Homecoming Predictions
Introduction
The majority of deployed persons and members of their family will experience a feeling of anticipation as the end of the deployment approaches. This may take the form of eagerness for reunion or a dread of a return to a problematic situation or a mixture of both. Few get much sleep the night before returning home. Children in the home may become more moody and irritable than usual. These feelings may result in you and the members of your family being keyed-up and exhausted when the family is finally reunited.
Adjustment
It may take a while for the returning partner to get adjusted to the local time and environment, or lack of continual aircraft noise!. Some initial difficulty sleeping through the night is not untypical. After the completion of a deployment, it is not unusual to experience a 'homecoming let down/post-deployment depression'. Reality is seldom equal to how we have fantasised life after reunion would be. It therefore makes sense to keep expectations reasonable and to be flexible.
Compromise
The Service person may want to stay at home and rest while the spouse may be eager to go out socialising as a couple or get the accumulated outstanding jobs around the house completed. Skilful compromise and reasonable 'give and take' will be needed if arguments and hurt feelings are to be avoided. It would be helpful for the returning partner to express appreciation for the spouse's efforts in running the household single-handedly during the period of the deployment. It would, however, be unhelpful to criticise the spouse's efforts or the decisions they had to make on their own during the deployment.
Expectations
The gifts the deployed person brings home, or the special welcome efforts that family and friends make for them, may not result in the expected reaction. Again, it makes sense to keep expectations reasonable and to be flexible.
Children Children's reactions to the returning partner may not be what the parents expected or hoped for. Very young children may not remember the deployed person and may be painfully shy. Older children may be resentful of the time the deployed person has been away from the family or, indeed, even resent their return. Children will need time and careful handling to get fully reacquainted with the returning parent.
Unresolved Problems
If there were unresolved marital or family problems before the deployment, they will not have resolved themselves during the period of the deployment. Realise that it will take time and effort to resolve such problems. Be patient and, again, keep expectations to a reasonable level.
Promises and Feelings
If promises were made, through letters or telephone calls, during the deployment, the person to whom those promises were made will probably remember and expect them to be kept. The deployed person may feel surprised, or even hurt, that their partner did so well on their own during the deployment. They may even feel a little jealous at how closely the children have bonded with the parent who remained at home. Such feelings are totally normal, but it would be sensible to show your partner appreciation for all their efforts during the period of the deployment.
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