Return & Reunion
Reunion and the Single Parent
Introduction
If you are a single parent and in the RAF, you may be experiencing some unique concerns about reuniting with your children. More specifically, if you are a custodial parent, have you thought about how your children have bonded with their carer during your absence and how that will impact upon your relationship with your children as well as with the carer? If, on the other hand, someone else has primary custody of your child, you may wonder how your child will respond to you since you have probably missed your 'regular' visits with them. Strategies for coping with these situations are very similar to those described in the 'Reunion and Children' section. There are, however, a few additional issues to consider. If you are a custodial parent, then your children have probably been living with someone else for several months. Your children's increased loyalty to their carer may be painful for you and you may initially feel unneeded or even jealous. Again, 'take things easy' .
Adjustment
Focus on communicating with both the carer and your children, and recognise that you and your children will need to adapt to living with each other again. Your children have been living with someone else who probably had different rules and procedures compared to your own household. Give yourself and your children adequate time to get reacquainted. The adjustment period, which may take several weeks, can at times be awkward. You can ease the transition process by first of all actively involving the carer in this transition. To suddenly force young children to separate from the carer can be emotionally traumatic. Moreover, since your children have lived under different family rules and procedures, take time to compare with them the rules of your home. As you are doing this, seek your children's inputs regarding how they would prefer life at home to be. They need to feel included in the process of re-establishing the structure and rules of your home environment.
Visits
If you are a non-custodial parent, your children's living conditions were probably not impacted upon by your deployment. Your visits to your children have, however, been curtailed. As you re-establish these visits, remember you and your children have grown and you will need to take time to get reacquainted.
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